We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
