I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
