So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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