did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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