dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
