Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
