Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
