i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
