I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize