Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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