I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think i got beer on your cat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
