The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
