Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
