Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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