my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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