i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
