yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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