Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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