Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
