You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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