i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
