I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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