o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
