Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
