I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
