Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
