the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize