That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
