I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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