How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
