Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
