Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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