Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
