Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
