The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We had to coat check the pizza.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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