kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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