So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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