hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
