once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
