I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
