Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
