She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize