I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want her autograph on my taint
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
