Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
