if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
