Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
