So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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