Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
