sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
