I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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