Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
