you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
