Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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