I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
