What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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