listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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