He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
