The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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