I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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