i think my tv is drunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
