Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
