Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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