Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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