96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
