i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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