Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
