instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
