We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
