my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
