Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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