Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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