I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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