We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
