What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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